The end stages of life can be funny, and it’s okay to laugh at them:
My mom had her liver drained for the second time on Monday. They took out 4 liters that time around (5L the time before). By Thursday she was yellow, including the whites of her eyes, so we planned to take her in for a more-or-less “emergency” tapping. We probably could have put it off for another day or so, but we have family coming in all weekend, and if we had to take her in over the weekend, we’d have to go through the ER. Rather than getting MRSA for the entire family, we took her in Friday.
Friday was rough. But we made it through. 3.5 liters out, and put plans in to have a permanent drain installed on Monday.
When we got home, mom was much better. Lucid, talking, etc. I was telling her how out of it she had been that morning, and she says,
"Oh I know. On our way there, I thought, ‘What if I died right here in the car? It’d just be like, thud, thud.’"
And I realize, as I type this, it may not sound funny, but we cracked up.
Not only the fact that she had remembered thinking that, when she could barely talk or sign her name, but that she had played through in her head how and in which direction she would flop, were she to die at that instant.
This was supposed to be an uplifting post, but it may end up looking like I’m some asshole who’s laughing at her dying mother. Oh well.
My mom’s been hilarious the past 3 days or so. She’s always been funny, but the appropriate button is out of order, so she’s saying things she’s been holding in for the past 62 years out of politeness. I’m not quite sure what’s causing this, there are about 10000e302 factors that could cause this.
It could be the “loopiness” she said would come before she falls asleep for the last time, usually for a few days, then pass. And if it is, I thank God that this is the way she’s going out. Let her be funny as fuck, even if it means she’s losing her brain function, and the disease is enveloping her. It’s the way she’d want it. For us to laugh, to save the tears for when she’s sleeping. To leave us with happy memories.
I am in absolute awe of the dignity, love and bravery that is my mom.